who am i
wanna be anything but who i am right proud of my
cherokee roots a drop of ‘kee blood from being slave raped massa john traded my right to live freely for some blankets and beads ironic trading a slave to a slave tribal vote erased my name from rolls wanna be african, french, irish, german, scotch a fifty-fifty ratio diluted innumerable times thru a to z generations these green eyes tell you i’m not what i appear so I play my green card whenever i go dancing dual passports make me black and white laws tinted my mind and trials made me run from reality africa don’t want me, france uses me, ireland spits on me, germany hates me, scotland laughs at me america created me and they call me the absence of color ‘cause i’ve absorbed the light wanna make my woolly hair straight and straight hair woolly bleach the mocha and tan the vanilla paint brown eyes blue and blue eyes hazel point my flat nose and implant whatever ain’t growin’ accordin’ to my desires lips plump with love need thinnin’ cause love is not what i’m feeling, while thin lips need filling to experience what i’m running from too thin, too tall, too fat, too small nippin’ and tuckin’ everything that ain’t right in my world filled with hate so long, i don’t know how to love what i was given trafficking thoughts from outside sources destroyed my self esteem centuries ago it’s become a self fulfilling prophecy to wanna be somebody else channeling cleopatra for beauty tips and Jesus for what to do artists might have it right painting eyes on elbows and ears where noses go smells i see come from someone else’s thoughts clearly or not, they paint from inside out and emphasize my distorted perceptions must my reality be i don’t love the truth of me and the blessing i truly am __________________________________________________ Copyright © 2007 by F. Geoffrey Johnson All rights reserved First published in Encounters: Poems About Race, Ethnicity and Identity, 2011 |
